The New Neighbor Quandary
by TheHipsterTheorem
Summary: Penny and Leonard are happily together, Sheldon is buried deep in work; They're all enjoying the peace and quiet until the new neighbor shows up and causes everyones life to shift like the tectonic plates.
1. Chapter 1

There was a large pumping noise coming from upstairs that disturbed my focus upon the theorem in front of me.

"Leonard!" I called. "Tell the new neighbor to shut it. I'm close to disproving that a potato is a starch."

He carelessly strolled out of his bedroom. His short stature amused me, distorting his swagger to a simple short-stepped strut.

"Sheldon, it's not bothering me, if you have such a big problem with such a small amount of noise then you go tell them yourself." He explained.

I huffed and capped my expo marker. "Fine then." I countered. "But you must come with me."

"Why?"

"Because, what if it's one of those large fellows that Penny usually likes to spend her time with living up there? I'd like to have you there as a patsy, so I may escape unscathed."

I had trumped him and now he had to follow me. Before we had reached the stairs though, her door opened and out popped Penny, her blond hair in long pigtails, draped lightly over her broad shoulders.

"Hey, are you guys going to meet the new neighbor up there?" She asked, not leaving the frame of her apartment door.

"Meet is such an unsuitable word. Scold would be more appropriate for what we are about to do to this," another set of pumping noises came down the stairs, "Simple simian." I stated.

"Well good luck with that." She said, sarcastically; I believe.

"Why don't you come up with us, you were the new neighbor once, I'm sure you know how it feels to meet the pre-existing residents." Leonard insisted.

He always insisted on dragging this girl along with us, it bothered me to new extremes. Extremes that I had to make up all on my own just to measure how much she really bothers me. I would have to call them the "Persistent Penny Extremes" and create a chart for him to read over today.

"Okay, sounds like fun." She said in her eerily cheery voice.

We all stalked up the stairs and happened upon the open door of room 5A. Leonard went before I did and knocked upon the door frame. There was no one in the immediate vicinity.

"Hey, I'm in the bedroom, come on in!" Called a distant feminine voice.

I looked to them, hoping to turn back. Leonard pressed on with Penny trailing along behind him and myself bringing up the rear.

When we had gotten to the bedroom we found a small red-headed girl working with a nail gun. Realizing we were standing there though, she put it down and stood up to face us.

"Oh wow, I thought you were the pizza guy." She awkwardly stated, looking from face to face.

"Nope just your friendly welcoming committee!" Penny exclaimed, offering her hand. "I'm Penny, from down in 4B."

They shook and then Leonard offered his hand. "And I'm Leonard, and this is Sheldon, we live in 4A."

I eyed her cautiously and didn't offer my hand. She nodded at us before speaking.

"So you guys are—"

"We aren't gay, we just live together." Leonard rushed out. I gave him a surly look.

"I was going to say, comic book enthusiasts, judging by the t-shirts. Flash, huh?" She looked to me now, why was this girl so focused on conversing? "I never really got into him. Bruce Wayne is my guy."

"Oh wow, they make girl versions of you guys, I had no idea!" Penny joked, I scowled at her, but even harder at the girl.

"And what, may I ask, is your brand?" I asked her.

"Oh, sorry, super rude, I'm Jill. It's wicked nice to meet all of you."

While the others greeted her with smiles I bore down on her with my glare. "Flash could beat the utility belt off Batman any day."

"Oh Sheldon—" Leonard started but the impish girl cut him off.

"Flash would take a running start then trip over the unbreakable batwire that Batman set up while Flash was too busy being a painfully simple Superhero. So he would fall, and at the rate he was going I'd say the pavement would scrape his face down to his frontal lobe." She blinked at me. "Death."

Penny and Leonard looked from me to her. My nostrils flared and we stared each other down.

"Keep it down." I said before hustling out of the apartment and back to my own.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, as per the new neighbor committees rules, we would invite you over for dinner, but you said you had a pizza coming-" I started.

"Oh no, I don't. I had just hoped somebody would have sent me a pizza or something like that." Jill said shaking her head, "I have high hopes for humanity. I'm practically an optimist."

This girl was a little spacey, even for me. "Oh, well then… Would you like to come down to Leonard's apartment and have dinner tonight?"

"Oh what's for dinner?"

"What day is it?" I asked.

"Friday, I think?"

Leonard and I looked at each other. "Chinese food and vintage game night." We said dully.

"Ooh neat! Yeah, I'll join." She said excitedly. "Just let me change and what not, I'll meet you down there."

"Okay cool!" I happily said, _I'm not going to be the only normal…ish girl!_

We said our goodbyes then went back to Leonard's place.

"Ugh, I have to run this by Sheldon. I forgot." Leonard said, hanging his head.

"Run what by me?" Sheldon appeared out of thin air, and in a fuss.

"Oh, well Penny just thought it would be a good idea to have Jill over for dinner tonight." Why did he always throw the blame on me?

Sheldon squinted evily at me. Scoffing, I turned on my charm. "Sheldon, don't you think I need another friend who isn't a genius?"

"I thought you _were_ friends with Wolowitz!" He accused.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I mean a _girl_ friend Sheldon. Someone I can have normal conversations with."

"Oh Penny, do you hear that? It's my cares crashing down to absolute zero. That girl is not entering my house. She's rude, stubborn, and moronic; thinking that Batman could beat The Flash, can you imagine?" He spoke so fast it made my head spin.

"Ugh Sheldon, we already invited her to dinner. You're just going to have to deal with it."

"You do realize how much work I have to do now in preparations for ordering, not to mention where we'll sit..." He trailed off.

"We'll order in." Countered Leonard.

"Then what will we watch while eating? We haven't checked any TV guides in order to establish that, since the thought never occurred that we would be eating in."

"Sheldon." Leonard rolled his eyes. "If you write down what we have to order, I'll order it so you don't have to speak over the phone."

"That's all I ask." And just like that, Sheldon was done talking.

I shook my head. _This poor girl had no clue what kind of crazy she was getting herself into._


End file.
